ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
