At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize