My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
