what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
