God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
