I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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