Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
