You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
