woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
