Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize