i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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