I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How does it feel to date your dad?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
