I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
