oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
