Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize