Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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