you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
