Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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