haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
