Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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