but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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