I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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