As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
