I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
