i think i have two assholes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
