I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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