did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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