I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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