you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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