Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
