apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
