moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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