I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
