I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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