I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
