We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
