speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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