i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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