How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
God, I missed his penis.
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