oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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