I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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