I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
