is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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