Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
