guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
