dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize