CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
