just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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