Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
