McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
