Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
