Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
