She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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