my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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