I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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