Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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