I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize