Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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