You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
