omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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