What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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