That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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