I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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