You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
