Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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