I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
