I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
