I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
