I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
