oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
