Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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