He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
