You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
