Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
