YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
