you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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