they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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