I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
