i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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