i was born a porn star she said
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize