so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
