Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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