Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
