I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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