kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
