That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
