it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
