my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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