Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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