Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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