I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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