I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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