another moral hangover. fuck.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
