Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
