Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
