I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
