I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
