omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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