You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
