he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
