You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
