So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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