I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize