where does the pee come out of this thing
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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