Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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