I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
