i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
